Well, it's looking like this thing is totally screwed. None of the options for getting Outlook to work, worked. Fix it got rid of something, but then the laptop wouldn't even boot. Had to go back to a restore point.

I could finally get the Outlook window to come up, but it throws errors. I can create a profile but can't do anything with data files or accounts - the buttons don't do anything. I'm presuming Office somehow managed to corrupt enough on this thing that unless someone has a way to force Office to completely rebuild itself and fix whatever's messed up it's probably easier just to point all my mail to gmail or something so when I'm on the road I can get it that way.